What It’s Like to Like Someone Far Away
Ah… young love. Full of hope, promises, and…
…distance?
Okay, maybe that’s not the case for everyone… but after moving all of my life, and then proceeding to travel the world (huh, guess I really don’t like to stand still, do I?), I’ve found myself in one (or more…) situations where I’ve fallen hard for a guy…
… that lives nowhere near me.
Growing up, it was hard for my teenage girlfriends to relate to me when their dilemmas with boys were so different to mine. I wish that when I was fifteen, that I had a friend that could understand how different it is to fall for someone who is so far away.
Because in some ways, the distance makes it all the more magical…
… but it also makes it all the more tragic.
I hope that if you’re reading this, and if you too are going through one of those “will they won’t they” relationships with miles (literally) to go, that it either puts a smile on your face, let’s you cry that tear you’ve been holding back, or best of all: just lets you feel heard and understood.
1. It Feels Cosmic
You met this person in one place you lived, but took the feelings you caught for them with you to another state.
Or… you met them while traveling.
Whichever way you found them, it wasn’t conventional.
It wasn’t in high school geometry class. It wasn’t through mutual work friends. It wasn’t at the grocery store while you both were reaching for the grapes.
It was sheer luck.
It feels like there was some sort of twist of fate that brought them your way… and you can’t help but want to explore why that is.
Either way, you’re screwed now: because they don’t live where you do, but alas – you’re not alone in how real that reunion feels.
2. You Start to Associate Your Love with your Phone
Since they’re not in the physical realm with you, everything that ties you to them is on your phone.
Basically: Phone = Him
Let me give you a few examples:
When he texts you, you’re thinking:
“He’s here! Well, he’s not – but he’s on my screen typing at the same time as me a million miles away, so…”
When he Direct Messages you, you’re thinking:
“He’s watching my story! He so cares about me! He paid attention to that detail? He turned on the sound… it’s TRUE LOVE!”
When he video chats you, you’re thinking:
“Ah, it’s his face, it’s so cute…it’s trapped inside a four-inch glass screen.”
Anytime someone texts you:
“Is it HIM?!”
You get the picture.
3. It’s Increasingly Difficult to Keep It Up
Because you’re so far away, and all the communication between the two of you is on a phone: you have to work extra hard to be extra witty in your text messages.
Mundane small talk doesn’t make for a very thrilling romance; and that becomes even more imperative when you can’t get touchy-flirty…
… but damn, do you wish they were here so you could.
When a few days go by and you haven’t heard from them, you freak out – and then come up with something stupid to tell them just to keep up with your streak.
It becomes taxing. It becomes exhausting.
It becomes something… you start to question.
Why am I doing this? Why can’t I just find a boy at school and settle for that one? I mean, if he didn’t like me, then why is he still making the effort to talk to me when he has his own life out there?
It’ll send you for a loop to say the least, and you’ll never (or, at the very least, be very reluctant) want to second guess it while you’re in it.
4. You Start to Function on Two Different Time Zones
The first few weeks will go something like this:
Wait, no… he’s always on Instagram at 7PM his time, which is 1PM my time…
Oh… no, he works from 5PM his time until 6PM my time… but by then I’m in class, when can we talk?!
After the first few weeks, it’ll go something like this:
It’s 9AM here, so that means it’s 3PM there.
I can talk to him between 4PM and 7PM his time but not 4PM and 7PM my time.
Needless to say, mental math becomes your new best friend, and you will automatically start to add/subtract hours to their time zone every time you look at the clock, because you’re thinking of them… always.
5. You Think About Them WAY More
“Out of sight, out of mind” is what they say… but no. I don’t understand that concept, and if you’ve liked someone far away – neither do you.
Because they aren’t with you in person, you can’t help but wonder if they’re thinking about you too: as you play all the memories of the past over in your head instead of paying attention in class…
… whoops.
You can’t help but think about the last time you were with them, since you don’t know when the next time is. You can’t help but think about what they’re doing, who they’re with, what their eating, how they’re sleeping…
… too far?
Don’t deny it: I know you’ve thought about it too.
6. You Fall in Love with the Idea of them
This one is true whether we want to admit it or not. It’s so much easier to like someone from far away because you’re not going to be subjected to their trivial boy nonsense on a day to day basis.
You just see the highlight reel, and pick out the scenes you like best to make the perfect movie.
It’s not like you’re seeing him tomorrow in ENGL101. It’s not like he’s going to ask you to the dance on Friday night.
You can’t get mad at him for not talking to you in class, or for not asking you out…
…because he’s not here.
You can write the story however you want… it becomes dangerous.
7. It Hurts Harder
The worst part of all, is when you know that things could and would be so different if it weren’t for where you are.
It’s so disappointing when things dissipate because of distance.
Not only in romantic relationships, but with friendships – you know you could be so much stronger if you were together, and if you weren’t so far apart.
Maybe you think the timing was wrong; maybe you think one of you just didn’t try hard enough.
Well… I’m here to tell you that that’s not true.
I’m not going to preach that the right people are timeless.
I’m going to preach that time is the answer to everything.
The truth is, it’s no accident when and where we meet people: we meet them at the exact point in our lives in which we’re supposed to.
Time is going to do either one or the other:
1. Heal all your wounds. I promise.
2. Reveal if you really were meant for one another.
There are no shortcuts. You have to let the clock tick till it tells you the truth.
Having patience, the desire to fight for something even though it’s farther away, and having faith when there is so much that is left unspoken and undiscovered… that’s what it’s really like to like someone far away.